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It's No Joke: Ben Affleck Is Batman

posted Aug 23, 2013, 12:09 PM by   [ updated Aug 23, 2013, 4:47 PM ]
Granted, he was the bomb in Phantoms.

So. Ben Affleck is gonna be Batman. I swear when the announcement came out it was as if millions of nerd voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly...raging on Twitter.

I am a loss for words here. It really doesn't take a lot to shock me re: casting choices because I'm on Tumblr a lot and therefore am forced to look at a lot of questionable fancasting posts. But never in my life have I seen the names "Ben Affleck" and "Batman" come up at the same time in regards to each other.

Until now.

Ben Affleck. Batman. I'm not even upset, I'm just genuinely confused. Like, what the hell happened at that audition to make people go, "Yes. This is it. This is our dark knight"? Is there video of this? Someone please send it to me. I need to see this for myself.

I am glad the part went to somebody that I know can act when they put their minds to it. Sure, Affleck's has made some poor choices in his day but he's not a terrible actor. Do you know who was rumored to be up for the part? Tyler Hoechlin. Nobody from Teen Wolf has any business being Batman. So it could definitely have been worse. Even if I would be open to another opportunity to put Hoechlin in a clingy spandex suit, but that's another article.

It's just I'm not sure what kind of Batman vibe they're going to try for with this casting choice? Like, Bruce is on lock, I have no doubt that Affleck can pull bachelor playboy off no problem. But what kind of Batman are we going for here? It certainly can't be super dark and gritty Nolan's Batman because that would just end disastrously with this casting choice, I think. Schumacher's Batman wouldn't fit well with the Superman that we were introduced to in Man of Steel. I think if this has any chance of working they'll have to go with a mix of serious but not downright depressing. Like Burton's Batman, only without the aesthetic that attracts the kind of people that hang out at Hot Topic and draw chibi versions of themselves with cat ears. Oh don't act like you don't know exactly what type of person I'm talking about.

I'm not being completely negative here, I'm just saying they're going to have to be very careful with how they write Batman in this movie if they're going to go through with this casting choice. We already know Batman is going to be older than Superman so there's going to be a mentor thing going on there, but they're definitely going to have to actively write Batman to play up to Affleck's strengths while remaining in character otherwise we're going to have another George Clooney on our hands. More Keaton, less Clooney. I was like two years old when Batman came out but I'm sure people were side-eyeing that casting choice considering the guy was Beetlejuice. Michael Keaton turned out to be a great Batman! So again: more Keaton, less Clooney. I'm sure George Clooney would agree with me, he seems to have a sense of humor about how much Batman & Robin sucked.

So this could work if handled well. Yes, I'm well aware of how rarely DC/Warner Bros handles things well. I'm trying to remain optimistic. This could be great. Or at least not another Green Lantern. Also put a Wonder Woman cameo at the end of this movie okay, thanks.

I am still just so confused. I'm still not entirely sure this isn't some hallucination brought on by mixing my migraine medication and a bag of expired Fritos I found in the pantry last night.